Chapter 3: Parents and Children

After practising the activities in this chapter, you should be able to:

• Use emotive words and express your preference to express your own opinions, on information that you hear and read.
• Do a survey on the opinions of others, and record these in the passive voice.
• Use the active voice to take part in debates.
• Read, understand and write a variety of texts in different formats.
• Apologise appropriately, using verbal and non-verbal communication.
• Use the imperative voice, shades and tones of adjectives, and appropriate polite languagee
• Use result clauses, conditional phrases and modals.

Key words

1. apologise
2. articles.
3. spreadsheet
4. survey
5. Interrogative
6. interrogative
7. preference
8. emotive

Introduction

In this chapter, you will learn about parent-child relationships. To maintain a good relationship with your parents in times of stress, it is important to treat one another with respect and be prepared to apologise when you have done something wrong.

Parent-child relationships
Among all the pressures of life, and the scramble to make a living, children have to be brought up to be good citizens, with high
moral standards, an appreciation of honesty, and to have good manners. What do you
think is the single most important thing that a parent can teach a child?

The life skill of acting responsibly within a family, is a skill which can be used in all spheres of life. It will also be useful for the socio-economic challenges a family may face. Few people can have everything they want; most have to make do with what they can afford. Being responsible with what you have and helping where possible will benefit the whole family.
You will need
A dictionary

Activity 3.1 Listen, read and answer questions on a dialogue
Work in pairs.
1. Listen carefully to the recording of a dialogue between a girl and her mum.
Is the mum angry or happy with her daughter? Give a reason for your answer.
What is the girl’s attitude towards her mum? Give a reason for your answer.

2. Work in pairs and role-play the dialogue. Take turns to be the mum and her daughter. Think about the conflict taking place and express the characters’ feelings in your voice, facial expressions and body language.

3. Join up with another pair to form a group of four. Discuss the relationship between Babra and her mum in the dialogue.
   • Do you think the mum and daughter have a good relationship?
   • What can the mum do to improve her relationship with her daughter?
   • What can the daughter do to improve her relationship with her mum?
4. Rewrite the dialogue. Change it to show a better relationship between mum and daughter.
5. Exchange books with a partner and mark each other’s work.

Activity 3.2 Talk and write about your responsibilities at home
Work in groups.

1. Talk about your responsibilities at home.

• Do you have to help with chores, such as cleaning and washing dishes?
• Do you have to work in the garden or take care of animals?
• What do your parents expect you to do at home?
• What are your parents’ expectations of you regarding your schoolwork?
• What do your parents consider to be more important, helping with household chores, or getting your homework done and studying?
• What do you consider to be more important, helping with household chores, or getting your homework done and studying?

2. Choose one representative from your group to share the answers from your group discussion with the class.

3. What is your role at home, at school and in the community?Write three paragraphs of about 150 words on your personal opinions of your roles and responsibilities.

Activity 3.3 Listen to a story about a parent-child relationship
Work in pairs.

1. Listen to the story and then discuss it with your partner.
   What is your opinion of Ben’s attitude when he does not get a birthday present?
   Why is Ben so desperate for a tablet? Think of one good and one bad reason that was mentioned in the story.
   Why does Ben feel guilty as well as disappointed?
   What can you say about the relationship between Ben and his parents?
   Write a paragraph of 100 words about making use of your opportunity to study at school. Use the points provided to guide your thinking.
   Is it important to make the best of your opportunity to attend school?
   Why is it important?
   Will what you do at school now have an impact on what you will be able to do in future?
   Exchange books with a partner and mark each other’s work.

Emotive words
Emotive words are words that express and arouse strong feelings. They are not neutral words. They make a text lively and memorable. For example:
She agonised over what to wear to the school party. (Instead of thought
seriously about)
He was astonished that he had scored such high marks (Instead of surprised)
Her mum was enraged because Baba hadn’t done her homework. (Instead of
angry)
Babra was euphoric when she won the competition. (Instead of pleased)

Words of preference
We often need to say that we like something more than something else. Here are some words of preference and examples of how to use them:
| like this more than that.
He likes playing football more than cricket.
1 prefer to do my homework first and then help with household chores.
I would rather visit my friend than do my homework.
I like mangoes more than pineapples.

Activity 3.4 Recognise emotive words and words of preference and
use them
Work on your own.

1. a) Come up with your own definition of the word, emotive. Write it in your exercise book.
   b) Identify two words that are close in meaning to emotive. Write them down.
2. a) Now, work in pairs and look at the words in the box. Identify the emotive words.
   sensational yesterday magical embarrassed angry skyrocket furious authentic interesting over the moon progress say real thunder
   b) Look at the words you have chosen. Why do you think these are emotive words?
3. Rewrite these sentences, replacing the words in brackets with emotive words.
   I told my parents the (good) news, that I had been awarded a bursary to pay for my school fees for the year. They were (pleased).
   My father was (angry) with me for scratching his car. He was (sad) that I had not asked for permission first.
   My results (improved) from bottom of the class, to top of the class because I (worked harder this year).
4. a) Work in pairs. Write a list of words you could use to express your feelings about what you like and dislike about tasks you have to do at home.
   b) Write five sentences in which you use words of preference to show what you would like to do, and what your parents would prefer you to do Underline the words of preference that you have used.

Activity 3.5 Write discussion questions on responsibilities
Work on your own and discuss in groups.
1. Write questions about the responsibilities of parents and children that you think are important, and can be used to start a discussion. Use emotive words, such as duty, love, respect, fairness, equality and sharing.
2. Discuss your questions briefly.
3. Choose three questions to discuss in detail. Take note of what is said, saying whether you agree or disagree with the comments from other learners.
3. Work on your own. Write a summary about one of the questions of the discussion, in one paragraph.
4. Exchange books and provide feedback on what has been written.

Active voice and passive voice
Sentences can either be written in the active voice or the passive voice. This will depend on the verb used in the sentence:
A sentence is in the active voice, if the subject of the sentence is the person
or thing that performs the action. For example:
Father told me to be home at ten o’clock.
Mum warned me to do as I was told.
A sentence is in the passive voice, when the subject of the sentence receives the action stated by the verb. For example:
I was told to be home at ten o’clock by father.
I was warned by mum to do as I was told.
You are generally advised to use the active voice in your writing as these sentences are straightforward and easy to understand. However, active voice sentences can sometimes be interpreted as forceful. For example:
Someone stole my pen. (This can be interpreted as an accusation.)
It would have been better to use the passive voice for this sentence.
My pen has been stolen. (This is not an accusation, but a statement of fact.)

Activity 3.6 Design a questionnaire for a survey
Work in groups.

1. Study the example of what a questionnaire looks like.
   Yes/Agree No/Disagree
2. Are your problems understood by your parents?
   Are you listened to by your mum/father when you talk about your problems?
3. Are you expected to stay away from school when there is work to do at home?
   Discuss what information you find on a questionnaire. Why do you think the person completing the form does not put their name on it?
   Design a questionnaire in your group to find out what other learners think is a good parent-child relationship.
   Talk about what you understand by a good parent-child relationship.
   Make a list of ten questions to use as your questionnaire.
   Make sure that the questions can be answered with either yes or no, or agree or disagree.
   Write the questions in the passive voice.
   Use a word processor to set up your questionnaire.
4. Make at least ten copies of the questionnaire, for ten members of your class to complete. Distribute the questionnaires among your classmates. Give them a few minutes to complete the questionnaire. Collect the forms once they have completed them.

Activity 3.7 Present the questionnaire data graphically and in writing
Work in groups.

1. Sort through the answers chosen on the questionnaire form.
   Tally the answers in a table, counting the answers chosen by your classmates. For example:
   Question Number
   Yes/Agree
   No/Disagree

2. Use a spreadsheet to record the data, before creating a line or bar graph on the computer.
   Alternatively, use the table drawn up to create a line graph or a bar graph. Draw the graph
   Note/Hint
   Tally marks are a quick way of keeping track of numbers in groups of five. As you can see in the table, one line is made for each of the first four numbers;
   the fifth number is a line across the previous four.
   with the vertical axis giving the number of learners. The horizontal axis should give the question numbers.
3. Convert the data you have collected into a written report.
   The first paragraph should state the purpose of the questionnaire.
   Use paragraphs to share the data collected.
   The last paragraph should express your opinion about the outcome of the survey.

Resolving conflicts
Conflicts between parents and teenagers are quite common but can lead to great unhappiness and even estrangement between them, which can have long-lasting effects. The teenager is growing up and is pushing for more and more freedom. The parents, on the other hand, are aware that there are many dangers out there and want to protect their children until they have developed a greater sense of responsibility. The different outlooks on the part of the parents and the children often lead to conflict.

Activity 3.8 Practise using the active voice and passive voice
Work on your own.

1. Say whether the sentence is in the active voice or the passive voice. Give a reason for your choice.
   Teenagers must balance time with their families, and time with their peers.
   Disagreements can be caused by separation between teenagers and their families.
   ) Parents and teenagers argue about curfew.
   Use of mobile phones is argued about by parents and teenagers.
   Children should obey their parents.
2. Change the sentences to the passive voice.
   Teenagers must understand the dangers they are exposed to.
   Teenagers must avoid conflict with their parents
   Teenagers must obey the house rules.
   Parents expect their children to perform well at school.
   Teenagers must have a sense of responsibility towards their parents and their schoolwork.

Activity 3.9 Take part in a debate on how to resolve conflicts between
parents and children
Work in groups.

1. How can conflict between parents and their adolescent children be resolved?
   Discuss the two methods provided, and identify three other ways.
   Be respectful towards your parents. Try to understand the reason why your parents do not want you to do something.
   Learn to say sorry if you have done something wrong. Apologising when you are wrong defuses a conflict.
2. Divide your group into two equal groups, to have a debate.
   Group 1: Parents should let their adolescent children do what they want to do, and learn from their experiences.
   Group 2: Parents should not let their adolescent children do what they want to do, but help them to understand the dangers of experiencing everything they want to do.
   Make sure to use the active voice, without being accusatory towards the other group.
3. Write a paragraph to summarise the arguments presented.
4. Exchange books with a partner and check whether you have captured the essence of the debate.

Activity 3.10 Change debate points into a list of guidelines
Work in pairs.
Read your summary of the debate in Activity 3.9. Change the debate points into a list of guidelines on how to resolve conflicts between parents and adolescent children.
Use the active voice.
Present the list in the form of a table.

Second conditional (If)
You use the second conditional when you wish to describe a situation that has not happened but might happen in the future. For example:

• If I had any conflict with my parents, I would discuss it with them.
  If any of us got into trouble, my parents would support us all the way.
  I would read all day if I had the time.

Activity 3.11 Construct sentences, using the second conditional Work on your own. Create sentences using the second conditional for the scenarios below.
For example, You have a very bad cold. If I had a very bad cold, I would stay at home.

1. You are unable to do your homework.
2. Your transport to school has not turned up.
3. Your little brother tore a page out of your English textbook.
4. Your father insists that you help take care of the goats.
5. You have to study for a test.

Activity 3.12 Read and understand a poem about parent-child relations
Work on your own.

1. Read the poem about a son’s memory of his father’s love.
   The Secret Heart
   Across the years he could recall
   His father one way best of all.
   In the stillest hour of night
   The boy awakened to a light.
   Half in dreams, he saw his sire With his great hands full of fire.
   The man had struck a match to see
   If his son slept peacefully.
   He held his palms each side of the spark
   His love had kindled in the dark.
   His two hands were curved apart
   In the semblance of a heart.
   He wore, it seemed to his small son,
   A bare heart on his hidden one.
   A heart that gave out such a glow
   No son awake could bear to know.
   It showed a look upon a face
   Too tender for the day to trace.
   One instant, it lit all about,
   And then the secret heart went out.
   But it shone long enough for one To know that hands held up the sun.
   Robin P. Tristram Coffin
2. Answer questions about the poem.

• In your own words, explain what the poem is about.
• What does the poem tell us about the father?
• What does the poem tell us about the child?
• Look at these lines again:
  It showed a look upon a face Too tender for the day to trace.
  What do these lines tell us about the parent-child relationship?

Activity 3.13 Read and understand an article about parent-child relations
Work in pairs.

• Read the article together.
  To maintain relationships between parents and adolescents, there are three important human factors that must be managed.
  The first one is the factor of rewards: how to make a relationship beneficial for parents and adolescents, so it adds positive value to both the parents and adolescent’s lives. The second factor is responsibilities: how to share sacrifices so that both parents and adolescents see their contributions to be fair. Then there is the factor of risks: so that both parents and adolescents both feel safe, and protected from harm.
  There is no ‘benefits only’ relationship. Any rewards come with two costs: personal sacrifice in the name of responsibility, and the risk you take. Responsibility is about how you must and must not behave for the sake of the relationship. With sharing responsibility comes loss of freedom. Parent and adolescent must each accept some restrictions and responsibilities. For example: You may go to the party tonight (reward) but you must be home by 23:00 (responsibility). If you do not get home by 23:00, you may not go to the next party (risk). To some degree the adolescent is bound to agree to certain boundaries, obey, and live within the family structure, because he or she depends on the family for food, clothing, money, and education. The parents would like to have the adolescent safe at home at all times, but both must give up some personal freedom to get along. The parent must tolerate the absent-mindedness and thoughtlessness of the adolescent when they become more focused on what they want.

The adolescent must put up with the irritability and disapproval of parents when they take time to understand them.
There are times when both parent and adolescent feel they have to give up too much freedom for the sake of the other, and this may lead to another conflict.
(This article has been adapted from the Internet, Parent, Adolescent, and the Need for Compromise by Carl E. Pickhardt Ph.D.)

• Discuss the points the article makes about the relationship between parents and their adolescent children.
• Both the poem on page 43 and this article are about the relationship between parents and their children. How does the poem differ from the article?
• Write a paragraph about your own situation, in which you describe the rewards, responsibilities and risks in your own relationship with your parents.
• Exchange books with a partner. Provide feedback on each other’s work.
• Search the Internet for an interesting article or story about parent-adolescent relationships.

Activity 3.14 Write your own article
Work in pairs and on your own.

1. Read and discuss the article on page 44.
   a How many paragraphs are there in the article?
   What does the introductory paragraph say?
   What is the most important part of the second paragraph?
   What information can be found in the third paragraph?
   Do you think the concluding paragraph is suitable?
2. Write your own article on conflict resolution.
   Choose a suitable name.
   Write four paragraphs.
   Base your article on your personal experience, and on the information you have gained from reading about conflict resolution on the Internet or in the library.
3. Exchange books with a partner. Provide feedback, suggesting ways to improve the article.

The need to apologise

In any relationship, you sometimes need to apologise, for a thoughtless remark, for not keeping your part of a bargain, for being rude, or hurting someone’s feelings. There are two elements to an apology: it shows that you truly regret what you did, and acknowledge the hurt you caused the other person. Using the personal pronoun, 1, shows that you take responsibility for your actions. “‘m sorry.
…” “I should not have …
“, “I am really ashamed of myself …”, “I promisel
won’t do it again …

You will need:
a dictionary
a recording device, such as a mobile phone with a video recording function.

Activity 3.15 Make apologies
Work in pairs.

1. Listen to a recording of two apologies.
   Why is the child apologising?
   Do you think the father forgave his son?
   Why is the mum apologising?
   Do you think Dembe forgave her mum?
   What will Dembe’s mum need to do to solve the issue between them?
   Does the tone of the people apologising help to make the apology sincere?
2. Make a list of situations where you did something wrong in the past and had to apologise.
3. Role-play different parent-child situations, in which an apology is needed.
4. Think carefully about the tone in your voice, and your body language.
5. Role-play one of your apology situations for the class. The class will provid feedback on your use of voice tone and body language.

Adjectives
An adjective is a modifier. A modifier is a word that describes, defines or limits other words. An adjective modifies nouns and pronouns. For example:
Angry response; talented actor; clever learner; damaged car; bright sunlight.
An imperative is also an adjective. Imperative means very important, vital:
imperative action.
An imperative also has a different function. It is the form of the verb that you use for commands, prohibitions, and requests. For example:
“Shut the door!”
“Don’t run in the corridor!”
“Give me that pen, please.”

Body language
Body language is the non-verbal communication that is seen before, while and after a conversation. It may be facial expressions, gestures (hand movements), and body position (a shrug, avoiding eye contact, rolling the eyes, looking down, shoulders slumped, or shifting feet).
Part of apologising is to try and appease the offended person by promising to do something in return.
The present participle of the verb go, can be used to express a future intention: I am going to come home in time, in future. I am going to think before I speak, in future.

Activity 3.16 Use imperatives and adjectives
Work on your own.

1. Use a dictionary to find the meaning of the word, imperative.
2. Rewrite the sentences. Underline the imperatives in each sentence.
   You must apologise to your father.
   Come here immediately.
   I think I should apologise to Dad for what I said.
   I am sorry I was so rude. Please forgive me.
   You may not go out for the rest of the week.
   Come, give me a hug.

Activity 3.17 Role-play apologising and accepting apologies
Work in pairs.

1. Discuss how you feel when you need to apologise.
2. Work with a partner. Write a dialogue in which you take turns to apologise and accept an apology. You can choose the characters, for example, two friends, a teacher and a learner, a parent and child. Use appropriate polite language and register.
3. Discuss the appropriate body language, as the dialogue progresses, from a tense situation, to a more relaxed atmosphere.
4. Practise your dialogue before performing the role-play for the class.

Giving and accepting advice
People do not always want advice. Sometimes advice is seen as criticism. If someone advises you on how to behave in a situation, you assume that the person thinks you do not know how to behave. Giving advice should be done

Ways to give advice

When giving advice, remember to:

1. use a modal verb. For example:
   You should do more exercise.
   You ought to do your homework more regularly.
2. make it a question. For example:
   Why don’t you do more exercise?
   Shouldn’t you do your homework more regularly?
3. put yourself in the other person’s position. For example:
   If I were you, I would do more exercise.
   If I were you, I would do my homework more regularly.
4. make a suggestion. For example:
   I suggest that you do more exercise.
   I would recommend doing your homework more regularly.

Result clauses
Result clauses are adverbial clauses. They explain what happens or may happen as a result of the action mentioned in the main clause. Conjunctions introduce the adverbial clause of result: so as to, in order to, so that. For example:
Stand up so that they can see you.

Conditional phrases
Conditional sentences express conditions. A condition is something that happens if something else occurs. Conditional sentences usually begin with ‘if or ‘when’. Conditional phrases are used in conditional sentences. Look at the notes on the second conditional on page 42.
Activity 3.19 Use of result clauses and conditional

Modal verbs
Modal verbs are also called auxiliary verbs or helping verbs.
They are used with the basic form of the verb to express:
obligation: should, ought, must
certainty: shall, will, must, can’t
probability: should, ought to, may, might, could.

Watch the video below to learn more about parent-child relationships